When you lead yourself to water, but you can't make yourself drink

As we approach the “New Year, New You” season, I’ve been reflecting on a few things around goal setting and rituals. 

I’m curious about the origins of New Year’s resolutions, and why we came to believe that we could magically make ourselves adopt a transformational new habit on one specific night of the year. (A quick Google search says that the tradition started with the Babylonians around 4000 years ago and was connected to the spring planting and making promises to the gods, presumably so the growing season would be fruitful.)

I’ve also wondered why some habits (like brushing and flossing my teeth) happen without even thinking about them, and other habits (like drinking enough water each day) are a struggle. 

I am one of many who knows I should be drinking more water and yet I have been wholly unsuccessful at keeping myself regularly and properly hydrated for any length of time. I often have a beverage nearby – usually tea or diet soda — but I rarely reach for water.

I know the benefits of water – better skin, better digestion and elimination, fewer headaches. The list of benefits is long and not trivial.

I’ve experienced these benefits myself when I do have a couple of consecutive days where I manage to drink at least a couple glasses alongside my regular dose of caffeine.

I’ve also experienced the pain and discomfort when I don’t drink enough water. Headaches, breakouts, and poor sleep have all been consequences of my lack of hydration.

The foundation for change is there – I’ve contemplated the change, I understand the benefits and risks associated with changing/not changing, I have a supportive community around me that stays hydrated (as evidenced by the ever-present empty glasses scattered around the house).

I can even make the goal SMART – (Specific, Measurable, Achievable Realistic, Timebound): I will drink 2 litres of water each day.

And yet.

I do not drink the water.

Then, the other day, I came in from doing some yard work and couldn’t find a clean glass in the kitchen. So I grabbed a small plastic glass (the classic kid’s IKEA version) and drank from it. I finished the contents in 1 gulp, refilled it, and drained it again.

And I had an ‘a-ha’ moment.

I felt like I was on top of the world. Self-congratulatory thoughts appeared: “I just drank two whole glasses of water!”, “It was easy!”, “I am a goddess!” My body felt energized and lighter with tingles of joy and happiness.

I used that wee plastic glass for the rest of the day. And the day after that. And again after that. 

And a new habit was born.

What the heck happened?!? 

Dopamine happened.

The neurotransmitter dopamine is responsible for one of the key components of creating new habits – feeling a sense of accomplishment, gratification, joy, or success.

Even though I’ve been involved in goal setting and habit transformation with leaders for years, I just recently learned about the crucial role this brain chemical has in habit formation.

Dopamine is responsible for allowing us to feel pleasure. And as BJ Fogg, creator of the Tiny Habit formula and founder of the Behavior Design Lab at Stanford University, says, it also gives us the motivation to do something that brings us pleasure because it “helps us remember what behavior led to feeling good so we will do it again.”

In this case, drinking water will help minimize the effects of dehydration, but I don’t get the same automatic dopamine rush from a glass of water as I would from a sugary cookie.

However, I did feel a huge sense of success when I drank a whole (tiny) glass of water in 1 gulp.

Having huge jugs of water to drink from meant I only felt satisfied if I drank the whole thing, and there was a lot of resistance throughout the day to get to that finish line. So much so, that I made very little measurable progress towards my goal of drinking 2 litres of water a day.

Overwhelming habit = no dopamine = no joy = no progress.

When I have a small glass of water and feel the dopamine rush quickly, I become excited to repeat that behavior, which increases  the amount of water I drink each day.

Sure, it will take 20 of my puny glasses of water to reach the 2 litre goal, but being excited and feeling capable of drinking each glass is WAY more awesome than feeling overwhelmed and defeated just looking at a 2 litre bottle, even if it is a fancy hydroflask.

It’s normal to find it challenging to make progress on our goals at times. 

If you do feel called to create any New Year’s Resolutions, I encourage you to find a way to structure the goal so you can find success, and dopamine, as early as possible in the process.

Maybe you just need a smaller glass.

(Next week I’m going to share more about my own process for using the energy around the winter solstice to reflect and learn each year.  Spoiler alert - it doesn’t include SMART goals.)